Hijabi Elevator Encounters & Judging Others

Hijabi Elevator Ride #1

One day at work I got into an elevator that filled with six or seven people. The only button that was lit up was "LL" for lower level (as opposed to the more popular "L" for lobby), so coincidentally we were all headed there. A woman I didn't know who was undoubtedly well-intentioned must have believed this was a mistake. In what I assumed was an attempt to be helpful, she said to no one in particular, "we're headed to the lower level, did anyone mean to go to the lobby?"

I turned to look at her because she was speaking, and when she caught my eye (everyone else ignored her) she asked, "LOB-BY?" loudly and slowly, enunciating in a way that would make any English teacher proud. I fought my instinct to burst out laughing to avoid potentially hurting the feelings of this good Samaritan. Obviously she thought that I didn't speak English well, and as ignorant as that assumption was, she was kindly trying to help me get to the right destination.

Afterward I realized that I should have said something like "no thanks, I'm headed to the lower level" so she would learn that in fact I spoke English well and accent-free! At the time, however, I knew that if I opened my mouth my laugh would be echoing in that crowded elevator, so instead I smiled and shook my head.

Hijabi Elevator Ride #2

One day in law school I was wearing a hijab that had proved to be the least-threatening color in my interactions with the general public—pink. It matched the pink shirt I was wearing, and contrasted with my huge black backpack filled with about twenty pounds of books.

I was in a building on campus that I didn't usually venture into and I got into an elevator. There was a man in a suit already inside, and he struck me as someone who wasn't a fellow student. As I stepped in, his eyes widened and he threw himself against the wall opposite me. Although it appeared he was afraid of me and my huge backpack, I thought his reaction was so odd that I wondered if I was misinterpreting the situation.

After all, if I had an explosive device in my backpack, why would he think moving to the other side of the elevator would give him any protection?

I told myself that perhaps the man suffered from some odd kind of claustrophobia, but I grew uneasier as we headed up the building. When the doors opened on my floor and I put one foot out of the elevator, the man let out a loud, long sigh. Apparently out of relief that he had not been suicide-bombed on his elevator ride.

Hijabi Elevator Ride #3

After the event above, I was a little self-conscious while riding elevators for a while. Within a week or two, I found myself in another elevator on campus, this time in the parking garage. In my peripheral vision I could clearly see that the other young woman in the elevator was intently staring at me. It must have only been a few minutes but seemed much longer as I felt myself growing upset. I wondered if I should say something but feared I would say something counterproductive out of anger. As the elevator doors opened and I took a step out, she gushed, "I LOVE your eyebrows!"

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Although we cannot control the judgments others may make of us based solely on our appearance, we can try to control the way we perceive and judge others. This is easier said than done, as many of our initial impressions of others are subconscious. Most of us would like to think of ourselves as people who don't judge others based on their appearance, and are probably not even aware of the extent to which we make assumptions about people as soon as we see them. One way to become more aware of our subconscious assumptions is to try to be aware of the thoughts that pop into our heads when we are in public and see a variety of strangers.

Meditation or muraqaba is one of the ways that we can get used to observing our thoughts without judgment. The more we practice this, the more we can recognize that those thoughts are not actually the essence of who we are, but are simply part of our temporary nafs/dunya personality. Our thoughts, including our initial impressions of others, are at least partially reflections—our mind's manifestation of the current state of our heart.

I was once in a gathering with a scholar who was asked how to overcome being judgmental. His answer was with fikr (contemplation) and dhikr (remembrance). We know that fikr and dhikr help to engage the intellect on a higher plane and purify the heart. Over time, the heart may be cleansed of the things that can cause judgmental or prejudicial thinking, which are often arrogance and pride.

Ultimately our goal is to not focus on the things we see with our eyes, but to focus on the realities that we perceive with our hearts. If we are not at the point where we have unlocked that organ of perception (i.e. the baseera) that Allah has given all of us, then we can at least be mindful of the fact that Allah cares about our inner states, which can’t be known by viewing someone’s exterior. Additionally, we should be so concerned with our own inner state and its purification that we would not be concerned with the outer appearance (or inner rank/status) of others. As a community, we are often guilty of judging others in the ummah, both inside and outside, based on appearance, and it's up to each one of us to be aware of it and struggle to stop it.