Knocking On Your Door

By Awang Shamsul Awang Hambali

I am listening to the sounds of the birds
I wish I am a bird
I am looking at the stillness of a rock
I wish I am a rock
I am wondering at the calmness of the lake
I wish I am a lake
I am looking at the 5 ducklings constantly following their mother
I wish I am a duckling
I listened to Yahya Ibn Muad’s story
I wish I am he

To the birds I said,
“I wish I could constantly be in dhikr of Allah like you”
To the rock I said,
“I wish my qalb is still like you”
To the lake I said,
“I wish my nafs was as calm as you”
To the duckling I said,
“I wish I followed my example (Rasulullah ﷺ) constantly as you
To Yahya Ibn Muad I said,
“I wish I am ‘ibad like you”

But who am I?
A sinful human being
With a clouded heart
With a broken mirror to see
An ugly being kept in me
I wish I looked at it constantly since time before
But who am I?
A sinful human being

“O Allah
I am knocking at your door
Wishing it’s opening for me”
Oh! I saw a woodpecker in front of me
Knocking at a tree in front of my eyes
Subhanallah
I wish I am a woodpecker

To you oh Allah
Please open the door for me
For I long for your forgiveness and mercy upon me
O Allah
Please accept my heart
As my heart has something to say

O Allah, I am weak
Turn my weaknesses to strength, to what pleases you
Please take hold of my forelock to khayr
And let Islam be my ultimate expression of satisfaction

Ya Allah
Verily I am weak, base and low
Please elevate me
I am in need
Please enrich me